Siena Kraft, Press Corps 21
REPUBLICAN PARTY, NSA - Speculation and conspiracy was been stirred up in the Republican Party today. The mysterious chug jug, a drink that is prescribed by hospitals to people to keep them from feeling hungry, has begun to take over the economy and people’s lives.
It was discovered today that the production of corn and wheat had gone down in the outer islands of Indonesia. Meanwhile, the production of soy, a key ingredient in the chug jug, had been ramped up. The correlation between the larger presence of the Chug Jug and the higher production of soy could only mean one thing: It actually helps people not feel hungry.
Make no mistake though. Even if the Chug Jug gets rid of the feeling, your body is still hungry and still depends on food. This is seen as a huge threat to malnutrition in Indonesia because Indonesia already suffers from malnutrition and the addition of something like the Chug Jug could be detrimental to the health of the people.
Not only does the Chug Jug inhibit the ability to feel hunger but it causes hallucinations and has not been approved by the government. There has been no trial or research into the Chug Jug and what it does and nobody is certain of where it comes from. This has caused a lot of uncertainty surrounding how this could affect the loyalty of the people of Indonesia to the Republican Party.
That being said, it was announced that somebody under the name of Queen Itawamtaf is associated with the production of the drink. Saadah Alim, a tabloid journalist, quickly realized that this name is very similar to the name of somebody else in their party. In fact, it is Fatmawati spelled backward.
Alim told us “At first I thought [the name] was a Japanese person, which kind of made sense because at the time they were against us. But then I [realized] that is Fatmawami but backward.”
In response to this news Fatmawati said “I deny the accusations but I am in support of the Chug Jug because it is helping people feel less hungry and increasing the happiness in Indonesia,”
Fatmawati is the inaugural First Lady of Indonesia. She met President Sakurno when she was a teenager, but Sakurrno was married to his second wife, Inggit, at the time. Sakurno divorced Inggit to marry Fatmawati and Fatmawati became his third wife. As the First Lady, Fatmawati would have the political power to pull strings in order to get what she wanted.
After Alim had this realization she wrote a crisis note to one of her assistants at her journal, Muhhamad, and he did some digging. It was confirmed that Fatmawati was indeed responsible for the production of the Chug Jug.
The Chug Jug has been banned by the Republican Party and it is no longer allowed to be given to patients. After learning that his wife betrayed him the President filed for a divorce and told the NAIMUN daily
“It was clearly an attack on my leadership and I can’t have that in my family”